Wild: A Truly TALL Tale

This post isn't about one of the many lies inconsistencies found in Wild so much as it is pointing out one of the many ways Strayed simply fails as a writer. 

The very first words one is treated to in this Brilliant, Inspirational, and Brutally Honest "memoir" are: 

"The trees were tall, but I was taller," 

it makes my pudendum ache

Strayed, you were NOT taller than the trees, you were HIGHER than the trees. You were higher than a fucking kite probably on chewable heroin or bubble gum meth or whatever the hell you're claiming you "battled" back in the day. (not beer though, you never even drank a whole beer right?) How the sweet Faulkner could you start your book with a sentence that doesn't make literal sense? 

Oh, here might be a reason, one of the lesser used definitions of the word, tall:

high-flown; grandiloquent:

He engages in so much tall talk, one never really knows what he's saying.

Yeah, tall alright. Taller than the trees, taller than the other PCT hikers, taller than all the bulls and the bears and llamas and the frogs. Taller than them all!

"Oh Mercer, don't you think you're being a bit petty, or dare I say, small?"

Yeah, probably. But here' the thing...this person is constantly being told how "brilliant" of a writer she is. BRILLIANT THEY SAY! 

She is NOT brilliant. Her writing makes JK Rowling seem like Hemingway in comparison. This is the woman who wrote: "...and sometimes he told her no in a voice as soft as his penis in his pants." Stab me with a soft, knowing dagger already. 

Check out this mess of words describing her boot loss: "...and the left one had fallen into those trees, first catapulting into the air...then skittering across the graveling trail and flying over the edge. It bounced...before disappearing into the forest canopy below..." What? It didn't also sing & dance before it profoundly shattered onto the ground? How about "...the boot flew over the side of the outcropping, disappearing into the trees below." DONE. Easy peasy. That's what they call TIGHT PROSE. Learn it, love it, live it.

Strayed being "taller than the trees" is also a hint of how her mind works. She really is bigger than everyone; she is better than everyone, she is so much stronger and smarter than everyone and everything around her. 

Don't believe her? Just ask her. "I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me." She is taller than the trees. She's a regular God damned Paul Bunyan. In fact, in her book, she is Jesus and she suffered for your sins. She even get's her feet washed! (Luke 7:38) Because she forgave herself and absolved herself of ANY RESPONSIBILITY for her actions, you, gentle reader, don't have to feel bad, ashamed, or guilty about any of the shit you did that hurt other people. All those times you were childish and selfish? It's OKAY! You don't need to learn from your mistakes because THAT'S HOW YOU ARE! God made you beautiful and special. Fuck everyone else around you, YOU are the bestest!